kidney...

saw a young man, the age of me...(rahsie ye~) in nephrology ward..(wad sakit buah pinggang lah)
he already has an end stage kidney failure due to some funny disease that did some funny things to his kidney causing his kidney to be shrunken and unable to function anymore..
it wasn't the disease that intrigued me...in fact, i don't really care whatever the hell the disease is and how it works, but what i care most is what it did to this young gentleman...
having kidney failure makes a young life almost impossible for you unless you get the chance of getting a new kidney..
as for this man, he is subjected to daily dialysis via his stomach done by himself every 5-6 hours using 2 litres of fluid at every cycle...then it makes me wonder,
how in the whole wide world can he go out and have the time of his life without having to worry about his own wellbeing?
how does he feel, handling his own life with his own two bare hands? i mean, this is life in its essence...i am not talking about money or car or home..i guess that's just something less important for him than finding ways and doing things to prevent himself to drop dead at any moment...
how does he react to a disease that he acquired not by his own mistakes like most people who had kidney failure due to uncontrolled hypertension and diabetes mellitus that they subjected themselves into most of the time?
how is he going to live on when his mother who takes care of him passes away? well, he even looked into my eyes and said that he might only have 8 years more to go...i was so scared to look back into his eyes and said theres always a way out..i am used to false hopes, i think i know not to give him that when he himself knows his own predicament..with the current malaysian medical practices, the chances of him to move forward is very low unless he is a rich man which he is not...doing dialysis thru his abdomen requires a tube sticking out of your abdominal wall and the risk of getting infections are very high..he has had twice already in 7 months using it and he is very lucky that the infection doesn't get into his blood or he might not survive seeing that both his kidneys are gone already..if he gets another infection, he might require an operation on his forearm to make a fistula to allow him to go for hemodialysis which is also very expensive for the likes of him...one cycle takes up to 5 hundred and he'll need it once in 3 days at least..he's not working..with malaysian dialysis centre who mostly does not know how to handle the fistula, the chances of it to be useful for more than 10 years is pretty low..it might only be functional for 5 years before it gets blocked and then his only chance is to do another fistula on his other forearm and as previous fistula, it might not last long also at which time he might only be 10 years older than now thus in his early thirties, than he'll be back to where he started which is using abdominal dialysis again..he's a good candidate for kidney transplant but with lack of malaysian donor and lack of money to get a transplant from some other country this is not an option for him...

i hate seeing people like this...its not angry hate, but sadness kind of hate...
yes, God make him sick so it erases his sins, making an easier path for him to enter the heaven if he is patient and redha with His tests...
but for someone like me who saw him, i feel really bad..what have i done in my past twenty something years of life to make myself appreciate my life better and make the best out of it?
even now, i am being stupid...