pEnUnGgU pUaKa wAyAnG~

Sunday, October 31, 2010

new ambitions..

there are 3 things i wanna invest into when i am grown up (whatever that means)...they might or might not correlate to each other but who cares...i love these 3 things and i want it to be part of my life..hahaha..they are:

  1. my own private is enough, but more if i that can actually help those in dire need in the outskirt area, but still allow me to have some pocket money...
  2. a book that sells whatever books regardless medical or non-medical....just a normal book shop like mph or so but instead of making a section for best seller books, i wanna make a section of "the owner's best read books" that i won't be like many readers who want to buy some books (especially novels) but dunno which to choose...i was once like that..i just wish that every books has got their own representative...
  3. a candy that i can make people sick of sugar intoxication and come visit me in my clinic (ha-ha okay that's a bad joke)...but i do love chocolates so much and rite now i have a fridge full of chocolates bought by my brother and i was so serenely happy! i love going into chocolate boutique and get myself drooling cez i know i can't afford i want my own chocolate shop one helps promote some endorphine release to make life happier (or worse in the end of the day~huhu)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

mr/mrs anne

i got my first ever patient who had palpitations...
he got dizziness, feels like vomiting, his blood pressure was very low and his heart rate was very fast, indicating that he is in cardiogenic shock because the heart is not supplying enough oxygen and blood to the body eventho it is beating like mad...i mean, it beats like mad but it is not effective there's poor blood supply to the brain and he got dizzy...

so what i did?
i patch the ECG thing on his chest and saw that his heart is really fast, what we call as ventricular tachycardia...if he is unresponsive and have no pulse, i might have defibrillate him (electrified his heart) but here he is looking restless and dizzy and still talking to me indicating that he is still having his pulses obviously, so there is no way i can defib him alive like that..

so think, think, think...ahh, he is unstable, so need to synchronized cardiovert him, which is almost the same as defib but done in patient who have pulse and we have to sedate him...(obviously! u dun wanna be electrified when u r concious rite???)

so i told the patient his option....which is that in his condition, we need to urgently convert his abnormally fast heart rate to a slower and normal heart rate so he can get good blood supply to his organ and not die of stroke or heart attack or heart failure....and we'll have to sedate him of course...
so the patient, being so dizzy and all agreed to it....

then we started....

we gave him his sedation..and he slept~

we charged the paddles, yelled, "u clear! i clear! everyone's clear!"

and served the electric to heart...and prayed...

guess what?

he went into ventricular fibrillation which is a very chaotic heart rate which is very bad indeed, which means that instead of getting a better heart rate, his condition actually deteriorated which also means he is near his death...oh God, have mercy on me!!

we CPR-ed like mad, we defib again, we gave him adrenaline to help the heart function better...and we prayed....we prayed...we prayed...well, i am d team leader, so i am at my wits end...damn~

and guess what again???

despite all the appropriate management based on all the algorithm from AHA, blood investigations that were normal, patient went into asystole..which means, that the heart does not want to beat anymore, which means that the option given to us is to CPR until we ourselves drop dead (no, i am joking..hahaha) and give him atropine to also force the heart to more defib allowed~so yeah, we did all that....

until, my team members cannot stand compressing the lung anymore, i stopped them all and said, " good job everyone! we'v done our best"
then i feel bad...hell, why is he not waking up???

guess what?

he's a cream colored skin and hair person, with no eyeball, no uvula, no movable limbs, his body is floppy from hip downwards, his upper limbs are rigid, he's got no tongue, no ear opening, no eyebrow, his nostrils are totally blocked...he's got no genitals..

oh don't worry...he has no syndromes at all..

in fact, he doesn't even breathe...

he's just a mannequin simulated to become a patient to make me a better prepared medical student...hee~~thanx anne the mannequin (u r supposed to be a male patient and i dunno why your name is anne), i hope u will not kill me for unintentionally killing u in the course of helping u live a better life...(now i am starting to freak out..what if she's chuck's mother????)

p/s: to people who have problems with palpitations, this post is not intended to scare u all off...its just a situation given my dearest lecturer who wants to irritate no worry, this procedure if done following the specified and correct way will give a very good outcome...~

Sunday, October 24, 2010


i hate my ugly face, hate my fat body, hate the fact that i am pathetically hating myself..damn!
i am confused weather i am having this episode of body dysmorphic disorder, or am i actually not deluded to the fact that whatever i think about myself is actually true??

Thursday, October 21, 2010


mungkin bagi kamu janji tinggal janji...
tapi kamu lupa banyak perkara...
dan kamu lupa juge, aku tak penah lupa pada janji aku...
walaupon belum lagi mampu aku tunaikan diketika ini...
sebab aku hanya manusia biasa yang ade kiffarah yang harus dibayar...
kiffarah yang bukan kecil
yang tak mungkin aku boleh lari daripadanya dalam masa yang terlalu singkat...
aku hanya manusia yang ingin kembali kepada fitrah 
aku hanya manusia yang mempercayai takdir Tuhan

aku tahu kamu salahkan aku...
dan untuk kesekian kalinya, aku memohon maaf dari kamu...
cukup sudah segala penjelasan yang aku berikan dahulu...
aku tak mampu lagi membela diri...
terpulang ntuk kamu mengertikannya..

yang pasti, aku masih belum melupakan janji aku sebab aku masih lagi bernyawa...
dan hati ini masih berdenyut dengan kamu...

izinkan aku terus hadir melihat tidurmu~

p/s: stop torturing myself everyday...damn it!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

what personality disorder is yours?

personality disorder can be divided into 3 clusters:

cluster A: aka mad personality disorders..consist of schzoid, schizotypal and paranoid personality disorder
cluster B: aka bad personality disorders...consist of borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, anti-social personality disorders
cluster C: aka sad personality disorder..consists of dependant, avoidant and obsessive compulsive personality disorder

cluster A:

1. schizoid: social withdrawal (does not like to have friends), no desire for close relationship, eccentric and reclusive (sangat pelik), quiet, constricted affect (muke stone je memanjang~susah nak tgk die gelak atau sedey), take pleasure in few acts (tade hobi sangat..macam zombi ah)

2. schizotypal: eccentric behavior (pelik je jugak tgk die neh..suke ckp sensorg ke ape), peculiar thought pattern (as in memang sangat tak kene ah dengan manusia biase pemikiran die), idea of referance (kdg2 percaye bahawe bende2 kat TV, paper ke brite tgh bercakap pasal die), odd belief or magical thinking (haa, beware ye kepade sape yang percaye sangat kat magik2 neh), inappropriate affect (org gelak, die g bantai menangis), suspiciousness...

3. paranoid: pervasive distrust and suspiciouness (susah gile nak percaye kat orang, ade je salah org tuh), interpret motives as malevolent (org puji die pon die percaye sebenarnye org tuh dok menghine die and nak jatuhkan maruah die -ok, over gile plak aku neh), blames others, seems angry and hostile, preoccipied with doubts of loyalty (susah gile nak percaye kat orang especially pasangan die-beware sape balak kat jeles), defensive, salu suspect that pasangan die neh curang kat die

cluster B

1. antisocial: failure to conform to social norms (suke buat bende yang kbykan org normal tak buatla, cam carik gaduh ke), deceitful manipulative or repeatedly lying for own gain (gile punye jahat, suke manipulasi kebaikan org lain and suke menipu ntk kepentingan diri sndrik), impulsive (suke buat bende tanpe berfikiran panjang), irritable dan aggressive. reckless (tak pedulik pon keselamatan org lain dan diri sendirik), irresponsible, lack of remorse to action (tak penah pikir langsung ah nak bertaubat ke ape)

2. borderline: impulsive, moody, paranoid bile terlalu stress, unstable self image (salu pandang rendah kat diri sndrik tapi kadang2 over-poyo gak), labile relationship (suke tukar2 pasangan), suicidal salunya ntk tarik attention, inappropriate anger (tetibe je naik hangin), vulnerable to abandonment (sangat takot apabile org nak tggalkan die), salu merase kekosongan or emptiness

3. histrionic:  suke kat attention (uncomfortable if not at the centre of attention), seductive and provocative (cam whore la, suke gile menggode dan mem-provoke org), uses physical appearance to draw attention to self (contohnye mekap tebal2 n pakai seksi2 ntk bagi sume laki tgk kat die je), has speech that is impressionistic but lack with detail (cakap besar, tapi habuk tarak), dramatic (kalo die meluahkan perasaan die memang over punye la tgk), easily influenced, perceives relationship as more intimate then they really are (perasan..keke)

4. narcissictic: sense of superiority (merase diri sangatla pentingnye kepade kesejahteraan dunia-ok over balek), need for admiration (nak sume org adore die la), lack of empathy (tidak mengasihani manusia lain), consider self as special, exploits others for self (amboi~), grandiose but fragile self esteem..arrogant, envious

cluster C:

1. avoidant: social inhibition (sangat malu dengan orang lain!!!), intense fear of rejection (tanak kawan ngan org lain sebab takot nnt org tak suke die and reject die), avoid social interaction, desire companionship but extremely shy and easily injured (nak sangat ade pasangan hidup tapi sangatlaa malunye and takot kalo die kene rejek, nnt die sangat senang sakit hati)

2. dependant: poor self confident, fears separation (sangat takot separate ngan org yang die depend..sampai takley nak buat pape pasal terlalu dependant ngan org lain), have excessive need to be taken care of, feel helpless when alone, difficult makin decision (buat keputusan nak makan ape pon bergantung kat org lain, contohnyela), cannot express disagreement due to fear of approval (takot nak meluahkan ketidakpuasan hati sebab takot org yang die depend tu tak suke lalu meninggalkan die), urgently seek another relationship if one failed (kalo kene tinggal, make dengan segera die carik org lain ntk die depend plak)

3. Obsessive compulsive: perfectionist, inflexible (susah sangat nak ubah rutin die), orderliness (sume bende mesti kene ade susunan dan aturannye), preoccupied with details, rules, list, excessive devotion to work, will not delegate task (kalo die ketua, die buat keje sorg2 pasal die tak percaye org lain bole bwat keje se-perfect die buat), rigid and stubborn

source: first aid, psychiatric clerkship book~

haha...macam2kan? kadang2 bile bce2 terase macam sume bende ni kite ade, tapi perlu diingat apabile sesuatu dipanggil disorder maknenye ia adelah penyakit dan apabile die adelah penyakit, maknenye die menyusahkan dan mengganggu kehidupan harian kite...samela jugak ngan personality disorder ni, maknenye personaliti itu telah mendatangkan kesusahan kepade kite dan org2 lain sampai kite nak kerje ke, nak berpasangan ke berkeluarge ke berkawan ke sume tak boleh nak buat dengan sempurna macam org2 lain..kalo rase2 cam tgk member or famili ade kriteria diatas dan menyusahkan die ntk berfungsi dan menyusahkan diri kite sendirik, make cepat2la bawak die g jumpe doctor ok?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please


Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven 



Sunday, October 17, 2010

you II

nukilan dari mama untuk dia..
mama abadikan duka yang terkubur
pada tarikh keramat itu: 10-10-10

jangan disusun kata penamat
jangan ucapkan lagi baris2 ayat keramat
biar lenyap diserap sunyi
biar senyap yang tak menyepi

mari kita patahkan papan markah lama itu
mari kita padamkan buku 3 lima itu
biar saja luka sembuh sendiri..
biar kita lupa ditebus hari...

(adaptasi tolong ingatkan aku-ana raffali)

Saturday, October 16, 2010


i hope, when i am done with med school, i will be able to look back at time and say, thank goodness i did not sacrifice my weekends for things i do not like to do...which is to say, i will be able to wake up late, lazy-mazy, don't have to take the freakin cold bath early in the morning, indulge myself with this darn computer, listen to music as loud as i wanted to, stay in bed dreaming about whatever etc..yeap, so hopefully, when i finally HAVE to sacrifice my weekends which is to say that there will be no more weekends for me when i have finished studying, i will be pretty much satisfied and feels that i deserve the torture...huhuhuhu...

last time, when i was at school, i hated wednesday cez that was the co-curriculum day and we were made compulsory to march in the evening...oh my goodness, i HATE marching like anything...not because of the heat since our school is next to the sea, but because i don't freaking understand any words coming out of the instructor at what i did was hide myself in one of the unused toilets and sleep or read books or gossiping with my other friends who also hates going to march..and yeah, i did that all year til i finished schooling...i guess i'd rather smell of toilet then having to make a fool of myself by going contralateral to whatever the commander says...

well..i thought i can getaway with it....but guess what, i was sentence to a 3 months of PLKN once i have finished SPM...
i cried like a baby...but then i look back, and think...oooohhh, so this is the punishment that i get for not attending the marching practice everyday..fine~we'll see about yeah, instead of marching once a week, i get to march everyday morning and evening...hahahahahahhaha...but then, i do it with open heart because i have missed this marching thingy for 2 years of my secondary school...and i actually loved it because the commander taught us clearly on all the commands they give so i understood it and is able to avoid myself from making a fool of was fun, having to do things by force, but accepting it with open heart because i deserved was not bad at fact, i missed those 3 month so much!

well, am not saying that i am good enough to be enjoying in the weekends without fact, i am just an average student...i don't even know how i managed to come to this level...but i am soo afraid of graduating when i have not enjoyed the life of a medical student yet which includes waking up late on a weekend...huhu...i don't want to regret later...

so in order to be able to pass and live a happy weekend, i must now vow that i MUST study on weekdays, or else, i wouldn't deserve my weekends...yes...SET~

Thursday, October 14, 2010


saw this really cute 3 year old indian boy in child psychiatric clinic...soooo chubby and obese (not good!)..he came in with his grandma and was punching her all the time, yet still hugging her..he was also yelling at her in tamil and was giving her this really scary glares each time the grandma pushes him away from her because i think, for someone as frail as she is, that big boy is going to kill her just by hugging her tightly...

well, this mother brought her grandchild to the psychiatric clinic because she was worried with this child's aggressive behavior...apparently, this boy also have some problematic family issue..his parents are separated because the father is a drug dealer and addict and currently is in jail..and the mother has some mental illness...and this boy is used to watching his parents quarrel since he was 2 year old...though he is still a toddler, a toddler's brain is not something without functions...he remembers all this things...and another flaw was that his grandma allows him to watch all those violent and ghostly cartoons and movies..and the kid loves it till he didn't want to watch anything other than that...the movie that he likes best is tamil movies...this statement is kind of stereotype, but it is real that most of tamil movies has this similar story-line where violence are part of it and some people behaves kind of harshly...i'm not saying other movies do not have this features, but this boy is so into tamil movie which makes me highlight this issue...and being the only grandchild at home, he is overly pampered by his grandma...nothing that he wanted is being refused..and if so, he'll throw tantrum like the devil, shouting here and there, hitting everyone, throwing things, kicking and stuff..

during the clinic session, we gave him a toy phone to distract him from his grandma and his tantrums of hitting his grandma and whining about immediately he played with the toy and the psychiatrist talks to the grandma about changing this boy's lifestyle...basically, he's got to stop watching those violent and ghost-based movies (apparently he has some sort of hallucination related to the ghosts he watch from the TV)..and he has to go out and play because he is so obese (50kg for a 3 year old!!) and he is to be re-taught on who is the boss at home...

then when his session is about to finish, the doctor asked for the toy back..and then the tantrum starts all over again...he began shouting at his grandma and kicking her and then give her that tamil hero glare (it was soooo significantly similar to those in the tamil dramas that i feel like making the boy angry at me and take picture of his glare)..he also screamed,"CHAIIITTTT! to the grandma and the sound was so like those who got so frustrated whenever some other people insults them and then they spits on the ground or was exactly the same and i was astounded yet felt like laughing all the same...

so the doctor asked the grandma to leave the boy and one step out of the door, the boy starts bellowing like crazy...he cried so hard and at that time surrendered every thing that he has (which is only the toy) to get back to his was so sweet!! how a big 3 year old indian hero suddenly cried because the grandma is we sent him back to his grandma after managing to take back the toy without even having to yell at him or hit and force him like many adults loves to do when faced with this kind of difficulty...all u have to do is let the child compromise with whatever they have to get whatever they need most and decide for not underestimate their intelligence~

so this is what happens to most kids this days...they are not sick..but they are taught with wrong approach...parents or guardians allows them to do whatever they want and give them everything that they want so that the kid will sit quietly and the parents can work in they are exposed to the wrong things at the wrong age...they see things at different angle which is most of the time is wrong...they perceive things wrongly...and they grew up to be a troubled and dependent person..lucky that this boy was sent to psychiatrist early, so he can be saved, please do justice to our child! (that is a big reminder for myself..huk)

p/s: i also learnt that kids this days has problem with speech..many of them have delayed speech not because they are autistic or mute, but because they have no one to talk to (parents working all day and night) and all that they can talk to is to the TV which definitely did not talk back to them, and in fact, shows mute cartoons such as Pingu which kids loves soo i feel lucky because i have parents who loves to give me lectures when i was little so at least i don't have delayed speech...hehe

p/s 2: a study has proven that 2 hours TV watching for child at the age of 3-5 year old can cause behavior destruction...i freaked out to know this!! (cez my little sis spends like 24 hour watching TV..daymmnn)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

happy without love

its been a long time since i was really in love..
when love makes me feel like i am flying in the air...
when love turns everything dark into beauty
when love forces a smile though i don't feel like it..
that feeling has gone too long ago..
and i have forgotten what it feels like to be truly and madly in love...
what i am feeling now is a longing..a longing for love~
for a love that is impossible, maybe

like they say,'bagai pungguk rindukan bulan'
and i am d victim~

Sunday, October 10, 2010

eagle ranch resort,PD

YA...pade 9/10 dan 10/10 kami telah pegi melepak kat PD...hehehehe...
duduk kat satu tempat yang namenye eagle ranch resort..memang byk ah patung eagle dalam tuh kan..dan juge patung kude...kude betol pon ade gak...hohoho
yang bestnye ngan resort neh, bilik2 die bukan bilik2 tipikal cam kat resort red indian la die pnye tema kan...ade teppee, band wagon dan umah kampung dan juge bilik2, ktorg pilih bende paling murah iaitulah, jadahnye tuh ye? ohhh itu adelah sejenis kemah red indian yang bentuk kon tuh..sat lagi tgk kat gambar k...pergh kiut seyh bende alah neh...lua napak je kecik dalam pon kecik gak...hahahaha tapi memang sesuai dengan harge die...sume dibuat dari kayu kayan...tadela cam red indian betol tuh yg pakai kain dan daun je kot...huk...yang bestnye ialah toilet die beb...bukan sebab kotor, tapi sebab die open air beb! hahahahaha...silap aku tak amek gambar toilet die...tapi jangan risau, tade sape pon nak ngendap korang mandi...pasalnye takley nak ngendap pon..(aku percaye pade diri sendirik je neh) sebab bile aku buat survey, disekeliling teppee neh tade tempat ntk org panjat dan usha korg...huhu...yang terbukaknye pon sikit je...selebihnye bercover...payah ah nak cite tade gambar neh..korg g tgk sendrik laa nnt ye..
lain dari tuh tade ape la sangat melainkan lepak di tepi laut ! heh...kasik tenang itu otak sikitla ye...


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

sungai lui-aizat amdan

i LOVE this song...

youtube-aizat amdan

Pejamkan matamu untukku
Dengarlah dunia berkata-kata
Usah kau ragu di sini tempatmu
Walau berubah di mata kita tetap indah
Selagi kau masih percaya
Ketawa kecewa terpisah
Jalan yang lurus kian berhalang
Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan
Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata
Ku harap ku masih percaya

Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan
Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata
Ku harap kau masih percaya
Buka matamu
Biar aku memelukmu
Kita bersama masih muda masih mentah
Ku harap kau masih percaya
Selama ini selama in

bouquet of flower 2

ah....its taken already~~hehehehe

Sunday, October 3, 2010

a bowl of hearts

a simple gift for a sweet someone...hehehe
sape rase die pnye besday da dekat n die adelah sweet, tggula bende neh sampai depan umah ye? hahahaha

kepade yang tertanye2 ape ade dalam balang neh, sebenarnye adelah love yang kecik2...tapi sebab aku neh salah angle lak amek gambar so tak bape nak nampak laa love nye tu

bukan kuih raye~

sape2 rase nak bende neh, bole la tempah ye...nak request kaler pon boleh...


tak pasal2 je cancer yang pelbagai, scoliosis (tulang belakang bengkok), prolapsed intervertebral disc (sakit tulang belakang) dan leaukemia adelah penyakit saka dan gangguan syaitan...weyh, ape la masalahnye org2 melayu nih...tak baik tahu melabel orang2 yang sakit neh dengan bende2 stigma buruk macam ni...ape saje dosa dorang tuh yang sampai ALLAH turunkan musibah kat dorang, mereka ini adelah orang2 yg Allah tengah ampunkan dosa dorang taw, cubela hormat sikit...

kalo betol la penyakit2 neh adelah disebabkan oleh saka, then, aku nih tengah duduk depan hantu saka la ye?

he is my husband and he's got scoliosis and sakit should i leave becez i am afraid he's got saka??? hahahaha bengong tak..

bile kite menuduh orang2 yang berpenyakit sperti diatas ade saka la, gangguan setanla, tak ke kite menuduh pesakit2 dan keluarge mereka sebagai membela hantu setan sake dan sebagainye???

samela jugak dengan orang2 yang ade penyakit mental nih...sedap2 je kite menghina, sisih dan pandang rendah kat diorang sedangkan diorang neh adelah ahli syurga yang nyata...tak patut betul...bukan je pergi hina orang2 neh, tapi mak ayah adik beradik sepupu datuk nenek sume dibantainye kutuk sampaikan dorang tak mahu mengaku yang orang sakit mental nih adelah keluarga...pastuh terbuang je macam tuh and kite tgk je...agak2, ape ye balasan kat kite yang menghine ahli syurga ni?? dah tentu bukan balasan yang baik la kan? kalo tak mampu nak tolong, doakan je dan duduk diam2....takyah diusik orang2 ni...

kadang2 rase pointless nak menerangkan kat masyarakat melayu neh yang sangat suke bertuhankan hantu setan bomoh dan jin...kite dah duduk kat tahun 2010, negare dah merdeka 53 tahun...tapi mentaliti masih macam orang yang tak boleh berfikir dengan normal...

pastuh tau nye mengutuk sape2 yang patut tapi sendirik tak mahu berubah...sampah belakang umah bertabur pon nak sebuk2 masuk dalam aduan rakyat, sedangkan die tak pikir, die yang buat sampah2 tuh jadik sampai camtuh...hanye nak mengharap belas ihsan orang, sedangkan diri sdnrik tak layak ntk dapat ihsan tuh..

kalo nak tau macam mane sape2 pon dapat satu2 penyakit tuh, cek la dulu ngan doctor ke, internet ke ape ke...jangan dituduh semborono je..
contohnye, breast cancer yang dikatekan penyakit saka oleh seorang ustad yang hebat la neh, sains dan buktikan ianye disebabkan oleh kehadiran certain2 DNA...kalo la orang neh betol ade saka pon, macam mane saka tuh boleh usik DNA manusia tuh??? DNA neh, kalo diusik tak tentu pasal, manusia tade rupa manusia dah...Allah yang cipta manusia tuh, maka kalo manusia tuh nak diubah DNA nye, Allah je yang boleh buat...

doctors are the instrument of God to help reduce/ heal the pain of His servants, ONLY WHEN Allah wills...

Friday, October 1, 2010

my endorfin flower

my new hand made thingy....a cup of flower!!!

apebile stress, make menghadap benang2 bulu, memikir nak buat ape, search net ntuk corak2 dan memilih2 warne2 benang bulu yang indah adelah bende paling best didunia....pastuh, sambil2 buat, kesakitan kat jari jemari, tangan dan juge bahu jadik penyembuh kepade kesakitan emosi yang aku ngah mengadap sekarang...hee...takpelah, u may go, but the pain u cause is buried in between this stitches, making a dreadfully broken hearted becomes beautifully torn apart...

so here!!
my pride~~

my heart~~

my love

my pain~~

HIT2 me...