sickly

i am soo hungry
i ate the fridge out (not really)
and awhile later i am vomiting it out like nobody's business..
it is awfully painful and i am so tired of it....
~cry~

love?

it needs more than love to be able to stand beside someone and be the source of their strength
it needs a lot of responsibility and courage..patience and passion..self-motivation  and vision..
to be able to say that things are going to be just fine to the person you love when you, yourself is unable to be confident about it...to be reassuring when your own self assurance is wavering..to be a motivator when your own motivation is  dying...
its when you are part of their life, really part of their life, when you wake up each morning and the first face you see is his/hers, then you'll realize that living with that person is more than just love...
its simply unimaginable unless you have been through it...

dunnolah

i am dreading to wake up everyday now.....
i am simply not enjoying it at all...
and somehow i think i am too young to be living a sad, stressful life...
i wish i can speed up time so all this nightmare will be over..
i don't care what people say about me being lucky cez all i can feel is crap...
its bad enough watching other people cry, but its even worst when you yourself cry daily..
why am i such a coward?

crap-nuggets~

you may say shitty things to me, condemn me on my faults but you will have no idea that i 

have been trying my very best, learning and working...then, i'll say it is you who is blind to see..i 

know who i am, and all the expectations surrounding me,  but even i believe nobody can produce

 miracles...

confidence

a strong and remarkable word, should one have it, it makes you a charismatic person..
a word i wish i am able to describe myself with...
one simple stupid mistake and all the little confidence left in me is shattered to pieces....
its madness, how building confidence takes all the strength and determination a person have and its ruined in a blink of an eye...
God help me...
i know mistakes happens for a reason and i am thoroughly relieved that the mistake doesn't lead into disastrous end...it was an excellent reminder for me so i wouldn't make real mistakes in the future...but it was painful, it makes me real scared to move on and built up again~

WHAT??

here i am thinking that i am going to have another 2 months of bliss when suddenly a bombshell drop and shatters my dream to pieces..hahahhahahah..exaggerating is so like me..
but yeah, i am shocked actually that i don't even know what i am feeling right now...
the day before yesterday i bought a flight ticket back to kl for 22 nov, thinking how kind the world is to me, and then yesterday i got a text message from my mum that says i've got my induction letter for this coming 15 nov..since i have already checked in my first ticket, now i had to surrender it...such waste~and i have to spend another rm900++ for another return ticket..madness..~

now i'm thinking of the prospect of working...and i am simply terrified..
i have seen 3 of my friends working, much that they say it wasn't as bad as it seems, i am not that much convinced...
i am not trying to be excellent now, all i want is to be able to survive this 2 years of housemanship..
but i really hope that i am going to at least like going to work...
so now, i am resigning as a housewife temporarily for the next 2 years...goodbye serenity~may i find you in other ways or in another life...
oh ALLAH, i work for YOUR blessings, so i could help my parents, my siblings, my husband and building family and of course, my fellow colleague and patients...may Your mercy be mine~

five simple rules to be happy~

another excellent story i got from facebook that i want to put up here as a reminder for me 


and people that i love if 




One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the 


farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well 


needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and 


began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and 


cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at


 what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something 


amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it 


off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over


 the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to 


shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of 


the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God