pEnUnGgU pUaKa wAyAnG~

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Baby talk 2

Tired..the only word that can only sum up about half of the things that i am feeling right now... apparently the baby has turn from a quiet to a fussy baby..i hope it will only last for awhile..anyway, as they say, this also  will pass...but then again, despite all muscleache and headache, its a joyous feeling being the one who is able to comfort the baby...well, my mum helps as well..hehe..i won't live a day if not for her...
I have nothing much to jot down, just want to dedicate a song for my son, who i guess is the most rightful person to receive it..

terukir dibintang by yuna

Jika engkau minta intan permata
Tak mungkin ku mampu
Tapi sayangkan ku capai bintang
Dari langit untukmu

Jika engkau minta satu dunia
Akan aku coba
Ku hanya mampu jadi milikmu
Pastikan kau bahagia

Hati ini bukan milik ku lagi
Seribu tahun pun akan ku nanti
Kan kamu

Sayangku jangan kau persoalkan
Siapa dihatiku
Terukir di bintang
Tak mungkin hilang cintaku padamu

Hati ini bukan milik ku lagi
Seribu tahun pun akan ku nanti
Kan kamu

Sayangku jangan kau persoalkan
Siapa dihatiku
Terukir di bintang
Tak mungkin hilang cintaku padamu

Sayangku jangan kau persoalkan
Siapa dihatiku
Terukir di bintang
Tak mungkin hilang cintaku padamu

Terukir di bintang
Tak mungkin hilang cintaku padamu

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Love talk

Right now, im in special care nursery...my baby got admitted for neonatal jaundice and is currently undergoing a phototherapy...d day after tomorrow im supposed to fly back to KL and i am really hoping that my darling baby will recover by then...

Yeah, i have already delivered...a 2.3kg baby boy born at 35 weeks period of gestation after 13 days rupture of membrane...he is a perfect little boy who came out real fast, about 3 hours after i entered active phase of labor...he did not give me any problem when he made his entrance to the world, except leaving me with a little perineal tear, painful though it was, because he was literally sliding his way through the birth canal....

It was a hazy experience, short and sweet that i couldn't reallly grasp the reality when my prince was handed to me for the first time....it took me a few hours to understand that i have become a mama, 5 weeks earlier than expected, alone in another state which is not how i planned and unable to bring my little bundle of joy straightaway back home which is also not what i planned....i was frightened to be honest, but for this baby and for all the things i am about to face in the future, i held my breath and keep a bold heart....this simple things right now are not going to put me down....

And what a beautiful yet scary experience taking care of this baby for this past 8 days...here i am, a new mama with minimal experience handling babies, alone and in pain, having to take care of this sweet prince..and he was so quiet! Only woke up for some milk and then went straightaway to deep slumber...sometimes he was not even aware that he is hungry....i guess thats what happens when babies got jaundice...they are just sleepy....but otherwise he was feeding well, pooping as frequent as any newborns would be...because of his inactivities, a beautiful experience makes me thinks the worse and oh the nightmares it causes me was unbearable..i so wish that i am not a health personnel so that i can sleep comfortably at night...at that time, i understood what it meant to be ignorant and how blissful it could be...though it might be dangerous later on...

So today, we repeated his blood investigation and true enough, he needs treatment....i was devastated and cried all the way...it makes me think now, just a jaundice, a very common treatable problem in newborns especially a premature one could make me fall into pieces....how does other mothers face the horror of their child growing up? I am pretty sure there are lots of other horrifying things that happens along the way...how many tears have they cried? How much weight of hardship have they carried? How many heartaches have they endured? And despite all the negative things happening, they still found joy in the eyes of their children...such satisfaction must be very rewarding if their children grows up well, but what if they don't? People ask me, what does it feels to become a new mama...and it makes me think, really think deeply...despite all the hormonal changes now, the most significant feeling i am experiencing now is worry...there are so many things i am worried about. Though there are lots of parents out there who managed, i feel doubtful of myself...and because of that, i keep reminding myself to grasp this moment of life because it will never happen again and i will miss it if i keep worrying about things that i cannot change now...

For my beloved darling, rest assured, mama will never leave you....i will be there all through your life and i will do whatever it takes to be by your side even if it means i have to leave behind my ambitions...you are the apple of my eyes, the joy of my heart, the love of my life...i promise that i will love you unconditionally forever and do remember, whatever i did to you, be it pleasant or not, i have your best interest at heart...i pray that God will always love you and keeps you under his blessings, protecting you always...mama will be with you, in sickness and in health, until death do us apart.....


Saturday, August 18, 2012

Baby talk

What i know about my now....
1. Its a boy...
2. He hates CTG machine...or any kind of probes that comes in contact with my tummy
3. He loves listening to sounds, music or Quranic...
4. He becomes listless as i am when i am hungry..
5. Loves to wake me up at 4.30am
6. Hates when i walk too much
7. Gets hungry every 2 hours....

Will update when i can of more...huu

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Raya 2012

This is the raya where there are a lot of first times for me..let me shed some light for you....
1. First raya as a doctor
2. First raya as a mother
3. First raya as a patient in a hosp where i work...
4. Firat raya in a hospital....
5. First raya being bed bound
6. First raya not having to wear raya attire...
7. First raya wearing a hosp attire.....
8. First raya where i only fast for 5 days..i think..
9. First raya without family....
10. First raya away from peninsular malaysia....

Cant think of anything anymore....but wow, thats quite an achievement, right?
To those out there about to have a blast in raya....selamat hari raya!! Maaf zahir dan batin.. may allah bless us all so that we can meet another ramadan....

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Bored

I am bored out of my mind already...
I dunno for how long more im going to be stucked in this hosp....
I wish i have a good hobby apart from reading books, then i will at least know what else to do when all the books have already been read...
Now i am stucked watching the ceiling and sleeping all day long that it makes my brain gooey...
I guess once i started working again i won't even have any head or tail in taking blood already...sighhh


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Learning...

Learning to be strong...
Learning to be accepting...
Learning to love..
More importantly, learning to be a MUM...
That, i am.....
All i want is that my baby to be safe and protected by God almighty....

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Warded....

Yesterday was a very scary ordeal for me.....i woke up from sleep thinking i had peed on my bed but when i reached hospital where i was thinking i am going to work as usual,a gush of fluid came down my legs and instantly i cried...
I was freaked out...i am alone in a world where theres no family members around and i am only at my 33 weeks of gestation....my baby is too young to come out now....all the complications i have seen when i was posted in O&G dept came flooding down my memories and i was beyond scared...
Worry is an underestimated word.....
I believe God's calculation is for the best...right now everything is going on smoothly and i pray that it keeps to be that way....
This experience reminds me that despite me trying my hard to help my patients, my priorities should not waver from what is really important which is my child, my son, my future.....
To all my dear family and friends, i beg for your prayers to keep my child safe from any harm....and with that i am very much grateful...may Allah bless you all...

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