done

done with school n now i am thinking how and when to start...
i dun want to regret my decision and i dun want to rush in making one...
i have fought a long way to be here and somehow indulging myself into another responsibilities in a very short period of time doesn't feel worth it..
all i want is to be doing something i am ready to do and do it whole-heartedly..
i love medicine..but to be doing it with full commitment needs a lot of courage..
finding courage to do something that is WAY different from studying needs some time..
i mean, i went to hospital like everyday of the weekdays, now, i need to go even in the weekends and public holidays..
i went to hospital at my own leisure time, go home at my own leisure time...but now, that's already my past and i will be going there day and night, no choice, period!
God, that's really scary and it really, really spoils my happiness of passing the exams..
right now, i feel so depressingly unhappy, that even my dad feels weird about it...i should be running around the house like a maniac, happy but i am definitely not...yesterday, my aunts and uncles were here and all i did was scream angrily at my little cousins or just give them the scary angry looks and they'll stop whining about..that's how bad i am..
so i suppose, taking a break might do me good...
my mum said, i am married..for me, to work is just for my own satisfaction....i only need to help faiz to raise our family if he doesn't have the means for it but he's a doctor too...and i am only one of her daughter and she has got many children as well to be helping her apart from me, therefore its not a one girl's show..so the burden of working to supply other people is not there for me, except helping the poor la...i am lucky~
so its never about the money, but its about the satisfaction and dedication to it...
i asked my lecturers for advice, and my conclusion is, there's nothing for me to regret if i start a bit later except maybe i get a bit dusty...

so i really, really hope i am doing myself justice now and later on because if i don't nobody will...