disenchanted...

i am going to learn to play this song...its so beautiful when played on piano (or keyboard in my case)...and i think it looks simple...~

ArrrRR!

hahahahaha...
just found about this funny thing from facebook where you can change your normal english (US) into a pirate english...their english doesn't sound like sentences to me (more like gruntings and scowlings) and i find it hard to decipher its meanings but having something new for a change (even its just the language on your FB) is really good for the soul, right? hahahaha...

now i get a new label in front of my name: cap'n nabilla...in about a year time, i'll be able to add a new one, inshaallah so it becomes cap'n dr nabilla...even if its just on facebook...huk~

i mean, what does amend yer ledger means?? are they some sort of neologisms?

anyway, heres the instructions should you feel like trying it on your facebook profile:

Scroll to the bottom of your Facebook profile page where it says in little blue letters, "English (US)." Click on it. 

When the language box pops up, click on the arrow next to "English (US) and select "English (Pirate)." 

When you've stopped laughing, spread the word or paste this as your status! Arr!

fuh..fuh..fuh~

a lot of things to be done...
many papers needs to be written on...
many people needs interviewing, sharing of their pain, their worries, requiring reassurance..
and suddenly i feel like i am standing in the middle of a hectic world, watching as people walks by with scowls, smiles, laugh, tears, frowns and not to forget, clueless on their faces, papers, begs, trolleys, books, computers in their hands...and i am the only person who doesn't understand what's going on..
though then i suddenly remembered a few details i need to find from all the resources that i can lay my hands on....
i really hope that i know what i am doing and not just parroting whatever other people are doing, hoping that all my actions make sense for me and other people...and hoping beyond hope that whatever things that i am doing now and in the future truly benefits those who has been working really hard to help pay my educations (mostly my parents and tax-payers)...
i am so worried if i might just want to stop thinking and making senses and then turn into one of those zombies who only follow orders and not knowing half of the things that they are doing....because somehow i feel like i am being one already, reckless and careless....
God forbid~

the oath of Muslim physician

in the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

praise be to Allah, the sustainer of His creation, the all-knowing

glory be to Him, the eternal, the all-pervading

O Allah, Thou art the only Healer

i serve none but Thee, and as the instrument of Thy will,

i commit myself to Thee

i render this Oath in Thy holy name and i undertake:

1. to be the instrument of Thy Will and Mercy, and in all the humbleness, to exercise justice, love and compassion for all Thy creation
2. to extend my hand of service to one and all, to the rich and the poor, to friend and foe alike, regardless of race, religion and color
3. to hold human life as precious and sacred, and to protect and honour it at all times and under all circumstances in accordance to Thy Law
4. to do my utmost to alleviate pain and misery, and to comfort and counsel human beings in sickness and anxiety
5. to respect the confidence and guard the secrets of all patients
6. to maintain the dignity of health care, and to honor the teachers, students and members of my profession
7. to strive in the pursuit of knowledge in Thy name for the benefit of mankind, and to uphold human honor and dignity
8. to acquire the courage to admit my mistakes, mend my ways and to forgive the wrong of others
9. to be ever conscious of my duty to Allah and His Messenger (S.A.W) and to follow the precepts of Islam in private and public

O Allah, grant me strength, patience and dedication to adhere to this Oath at all times...

(source: World Conference of Islamic Medical Associations, Kuwait, 1981) 

~may i never forget this~

vampire~

i have been avoiding to watch this vampire movie for a long time...
i am addicted to harry potter and i think that's enough to last me another million years..
until yesterday 16 january 2011 when my mum as good as force me to watch the movie which is the first twilight...huk..imagine, of all people suggesting, its my mum who managed to make me watch it...hahahaha

well...its a cool movie..
i guess we all need a vampire in our life isn't it?

at least i do..
all the terrible sweetness...
the beautiful yet horrifying truth...
the cold but warm heartfelt yearning...
the excruciatingly painful but fulfilled needs...
the terrorizing yet devoted selfless sacrifice..

and all the lies of its existence that is hard to disbelieve, that there is nobody out there like edward cullen or harry potter who's going to save you apart from yourself ...

its just so gorgeous~

obsession cylces

day in and day out, i always wonder when i will be even more wiser?
each day i fought to forget all the painful memories but still the heartache remains...
its confusing...
therefore i abandoned the effort of forgetting the memories
so i fought again for other kind of answers, for medicine to heal this pain
and to remain inside my own head...
yet nothing seems to work...
nevertheless i searched still, wondering if whatever i am doing right now, the present life that i am trying to fulfill  is actually the correct path at all..i turn to people i trust most, but i realize that none of their words are convincing...the strongest one seems to be accusing me for being utterly stupid for trying to love something else when the heart remains elsewhere...
thus, its heart versus mind...and i am caught in between...
still the pain remains etched somewhere in this bodily casing~
so, i went back to square one, again and again and again...forcing myself to again forget the painfully beautiful memories..and i realize that this obsession has been a continuing cycle for what  seems like forever..

only now i understood a little bit more, its not the memory of whatever things we've done together that makes this heartache permanent, but the emotions, the feelings we've both shared that bonds us in this everlasting yearning and misery...
though the time given was limited for you and me, but it was meaningful emotionally~
we are not obsessed by the memories of us, but we are obsessed with the emotions we put each other into...at least i am...

then how in the world are we going to be able to forget emotions? to give it up? to at least get rid of it?

kuching retreat

3-5 January 2011 becomes the day where i can finally say that i have been to all states in Malaysia...yep, like i said, i might not have been to all the nooks and cranny of the country, but at least i have left my footprint in all of the states..yes!!!!!!!!!

for me, kuching is just like another ipoh plus melaka city for me....its not as exotic as sabah, nevertheless i still enjoyed the place..because we only have 3 days 2 nights, there isn't much place to go..so we only go around the city and some other outskirt places like crocodile farm, cultural village and semenggoh forestry reservation.....of all the 3 places that we've been, only the cultural village we are denied entry as the fee is too much for us which is rm60 unless we bring any documents to say that we are students to get the student fee which is rm15...which is totally ridiculous...rm60 is 4 times more expensive than rm15 and who would have thought to bring their student card at all times except when going to the cinemas???crazy people..i am a Malaysian for goodness sake...rm 60 is only for foreigners because they are rich or whatever..we came thus far and it was the most horrible experience we ever had at Kuching and i will hate you forever...and i will never be there again unless my life at stake...

in the clouds!!!!!!!!!!!! ooooohhh i cannot sleep in the flight because of this cute fluffy clouds..they look exactly like cotton candy...and i am famished!!

in the penambang crossing the sarawak river to find some food..this is an hour after we land in Kuching...watching the bot owner, he pedals like he is dancing..huk

this is something they stick on the ground...for us to read about the history obviously, only i dun understand why anyone would ever want to crouch on the ground to read those minuscule writings..madness

had some sarawak laksa and mee kolok....it was heaven though i can't deny that the laksa's smell reminds me of chinese herbal eggs...hehehehe

fort magherita...only when we came its already closed...sigh~ anyway we managed to get pictures outside it and its a real beauty!

this is dewan undangan negeri, kuching..i dunno what's the theme of this building and i don't bother to find out..har9

night view from inside the penambang boat~EXCELLENT!!

this is where we had dinner...the first ever in my life i ate chinese food in a non-muslim chinese food court....the main course is seafood and the food was excellent and tooooo much for us but i guess i'll never step to this place again eventhough i saw many muslim families eating there...hehehehe

along the waterfront...excellent view but unfortunately we didn't manage to watch the sunset as its raining

day 2 first place we went, Chinese Muzium...

crocodile farm...mmmm i could've watched this crocs at many other places without the need to go to Kuching..

this is a real treat because we watched the orang utan being fed, nearly get serious injury because one of the tree branches suddenly fall on us and one of the orangutan's name is annuar...hahahahahha...this is the last place we visited though...i wish i had recorded the way the rangers call the orangutans..

ASTANA..a castle built by james brooke for his daughter or whatever...i think...forgive me if its wrong...ahaks

mission 2011

JANUARY: visits Kuching, thus i am officially malaysian because i have been to all states in malaysia..well, i might not be able to visit every part of the states, but i guess that's enough for now..this month also i need to enter sem 10..not just enter, but enter it with high spirit..yes

FEBRUARY: study

MARCH: study

APRIL: study


MAY: celebrate my 24th birthday (25/5/11)...well, i want a good one because it'll be my last one among my dear friends and family...it is going to be another long time before i am going to celebrate it with them again i suppose..dunno what the future holds for me..and yes, the most important thing about this month is my exit exam, held at the end of it..i need to be prepared by now!!!!!!!

JUNE: get mentally prepared to become a doctor..(i don't think any other things should be more important than this)...and try and get myself placed in hospitals in sabah and sarawak..i've decided that i am too young to be settling down at 1 place only...i should walk around and see people from different walks of life..maybe i need to plan for my wedding, that all depends on the time left after pro 3


JULY: become a good House officer (if i already become one) and try hard to give all the best a patient should receive as a human being and as a malaysian..and once i am an HO, i wanna start saving up money for a car and to go for pilgrimage with my mum as soon as possible..i don't want to go for Hajj at old age..huk

AUGUST: undecided just yet

SEPTEMBER: if i am already a HO at a hospital in sabah or sarawak, i wanna fly my mum over there and celebrate her birthday there! yes...that'll be nice...

OCTOBER: undecided just yet

NOVEMBER: i've booked 11/11/11 for something but i am not quite sure what its for...i guess i'll just have to wait and see or plan something earlier so when it reaches this date, it'll be perfect..(whatever am i talking about? i am not making sense at all)

DECEMBER: review my achievements and see if i can announce myself as the best person the earth ever have..huk.. i must have a car already, a bit of a fortune to get myself and mum to Mekah, a house, some money to get my mum a new car...maybe a baby~