schizophrenia in the music~

have you ever thought that you are actually listening to a psychotic song?

has it ever occured to you that you can learn about schizophrenia by just listening the music?

according to DSM criteria to diagnose schizophrenia, you must have 2 or more of the following criteria for at least 1 month:

1. delusions
2. hallucinations
3. disorganized speech
4. grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
5. negative symptoms (blunted affect, poverty of speech, psychomotor retardation etc)

so here is MATCHBOX 20 with UNWELL to prove my point...hehehe

All day Staring at the ceiling Making friends with shadows on my wall	Visual hallucinations.....he sees things others couldn’t see
All night Hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something	Auditory hallucinations...he hears voices!
Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a Breakdown I don't know why	Negative symptoms...looks like depression to me (sometimes people get confused between these 2)
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Me	In denial...crazy people never admits they are crazy right?? Different side of him is after he is being treated lar
Talking to myself in public Dodging glances on the train	Bizarre behaviour...you’d be freaked out to see people talking by themselves right?
I know I know they've all been talking 'bout me I can hear them whisper And it makes me think there must be something wrong With me	Persecutory delusion...they are deluded into thinking that others are talking bad things about them...
Out of all the hours thinking Somehow I've lost my mind	Lost your mind means you have no control of your own thought...like some other thing has taken away their thought...this is called thought alienation
I been talking in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me Yeah, they're taking me away	Persecutory delusion also...deluded into believing that others are trying to harm them eventhough there its nonsensical...

insomnia?

have you ever felt like the night is too long to last?

and your eyes are so hyperactive that it won't close?

and you felt so stressed out because you couldn't sleep and this might affect your functioning the next day?

have you ever felt anxious when bedtime approached because you are afraid that you might not be able to sleep?

have you ever felt like you are waking up way too early then the usual and is unable to sleep again?

have you ever felt that your sleep is not refreshing as its supposed to be?

have you felt that your sleep is being disturbed?

have you noticed that your sleep pattern has already deviate from YOUR normal sleeping pattern without apparent causes (shift work, jet lag etc) and causes impairment in your daily functioning?

you might be suffering from INSOMNIA!

there are many things that can cause insomnia such as depression, psychiatric illness (mania), medical conditions such as cessation of breathing during sleep causing your sleep to be disrupted..and many more...those with causes can be treated by resolving the unresolved medical or psychiatric issues...but there are also insomnia caused by nothing, as in there are no apparent reasons...

if you are suffering with insomnia caused by nothingness, you might wanna try this...

its called SLEEP HYGIENE

this tips are used generally to promote healthy sleep...because healthy sleep contributes to healthy mind and body...so don't take sleep issues lightly, ok?

so here:

1. ascertain a regular sleep schedule and maintain it!
2. limit caffeine intake especially at night...caffeine causes your body to be hyperactive so you can't sleep
3. avoid daytime naps so your body is really tired at night and helps you to sleep
4. exercise early only in day
5. soak in hot tub prior to bedtime...it gives some relaxation to you
6. avoid large meals near bedtime
7. remove disturbances such as TV, books and phone from bedroom...bedroom is for sleep and sex only!
8. drink warm milk before sleep. milk contains tryptophan which induces the production of hormones that will help you to sleep
9. when you reach your bed, close your eyes and clear your mind immediately, try not to think about problems that may bother you...do all this mind bothering things during the days ONLY!
10. on the bed, practise the relaxation therapy that i have outlined in my previous posts...
11. despite all this, if you still can't sleep, don't force yourself to sleep...get out of your bedroom and walk around the house without turning on the lights or only use dim light...try to do something really, really boring such as reading an encyclopedia (unless you really love that thing)...once you are sleepy again, go to bed!

try to do this and avoid meds...meds are not always good for you health in the long run....ok?

ciao~

chicken soup with mushroom for dummies..

anyone interested in making this simple recipe?

all you need is:

1. garlic
2. ginger
3. chicken
4. mushroom
5. potato kalo nak
6. water
7. salt

what to do?

oke sekarang aku da tataw nak speaking cane plak r...huhu

1. tumis ginger dengan garlic pastu biar je dulu
2. rebus ayam sampai lembut..taruk halia jugak pon boleh...bau die sedapp
3. and then tuang air ayam dalam periuk yang ade halia dengan bawang putih yang dah ditumis tuh...
4. tambah sikit air sampai banyak mane sup nak dibuat
5. taruk kentang and rebus sampai kentang lembut
6. taruk garam suke2 banyak mane korang nak
7. pastu taruk r mushroom....
8. biar mendidih dalam 5 minit
9. ape lagi...makan r...

gambar?

da masuk perot ah

lupe nak amek kot...

kebuluran...

things i have made...

1. hand made knitted scarf!

2. chocolate brownies!!

3. hand knitted mittens!!! wee...

4. hand knitted manic colored bag....huhu

5. disastrous cupcakes that is so hideous to put on pictures but turns out to taste alright..hehehe

6. coming thru are 2 hand knitted maflas...or scarf the ones you put around your neck...huhu

quite an achievement for me to be able to do simple things like these because its kind of challenging for me as i have to learn to do it myself....

now i know that humans always learn to survive when they drill their minds to survive and not to quitor give up!

aint human made beautifully?

if we are not humans, we'll never be able to face all the stresses in life...we'll die...

like my mum said, never waste any of your time NOT being in a blissful state...

nite2

sape yang salah sebenarnye ni??

cupcake tak jadik2 dari tadi!!!!!!

masuk je dalam oven tak sampai bape saat da terhangit kat atas tapi bawah tak jadik pape..

stresssnyeeeeeee

last2 sekarang punye batch i cover dengan aluminium foil...

mmg tak hangit terus

tapi tak masak jugak..

hahahhaha

doakan ia menjadik!!!!!!!

crazy life in KL

this is based on my personal experience being posted in psychiatry department in HKL for about 7 weeks....

• Never in my life i have ever thought that i might be praying any prayers before the allocated time...especially subuh (morning prayers)...amazing to think that since staying in KL for the past 1 month, i actually prayed before the azan...but he said its already time based on his observation of the sky (fajar sadiq) so we just prayed la...hehehe but apparently that only applies for the subuh prayer...

• Then i went to the window to use the reflection there as my mirror during wearing my tudung..and to my amazement i saw school kids waiting for the school bus..and its not even 630am yet...God, i remembered during my schooldays, i only woke up at 630am and that was also after few crazy tantrums with my mum...hehehehe...cool how kids grows up so early these days..or forced to do so...pity them

• 630am i am already on the road to HKL and to my astonishment again, i saw already so many red lights lining in front of the car..its blinding me, thank goodness i am not color blind..i wonder how it feels to be one at this point of time...the traffic is already busy though not jammed yet...i was so bewildered..how crazy can KL people be and they had to survive this day in and day out...huhuhu...if i am in putrajaya or bangi or kajang area driving to serdang hospital at this point of time, i am absolutely sure that the roads will be as quiet as the cemeteries...

• Reached resource centre usually by 640am...thank God jalan tun razak is still not as busy as in Cheras...which is surprising to me because all the way it was like a market full of car moving about in front of us, taking each other’s lanes in the hope to reach their destiny faster and suddenly the cars disappeared into nothingness leaving us one of the handful cars you can see crawling on the road at jalan tun razak...how cool is that?

• Then the classes...nothing surprising there except meeting people that is just about as insane as i am...huhu...and then the going home travel planning...come on man, where is the pleasure of going home at your own leisure without worrying? Its all gone since i am staying in KL...so devastatingly saddening...hahahahaha...we have to rush the class so it will finish by 4pm so as to avoid the end of office hour...and again, surprisingly, despite all the rush, the traffic is never not busy...hurm~

• isyak? its ok...i can sleep first..wake up for isyak at 530am..hahaha

Therefore, i solemnly swear not to apply for any kind of work in the middle of any kind of cities unless i am being forced with my own life to do so...huk9

when an untreated pain returns

i think i might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder..aka..PTSD...

so what is that ya?
as the name implies, it means that you are suffering with panic attack (palpitation, sweating, chest pain, hyperventilating, headache etc) that occurs following a very traumatic event in your life such as an accident or disasters...
so apart from the panic attack, you will also be suffering from re-experiencing which is you can see vividly the traumatic event being played in front of your eyes, avoidance of things, people or place that may remind you of the traumatic event, hyperarousal which means that you are hyper alert and irritable when people ask you about the event...social withdrawal..etc...there might be many more that i didn't remember to put in...but basically that's what it is...

it might be a normal process but if it is prolonged (more than 2 months) it is considered a disorder..so better get help fast ok?

what happens to me is not much maybe as compared to other people's experiences...
i had a bad memory of really bad thing...
what will you feel if someone whom you really trust tell bad things about you to others?
it was fine once...until when many times it happens (done by different people: apparently i trusts people easily..), i got really frustrated...
the finale came when i did really2 bad thing which is against my culture and religion and that person whom i trust reveals it to the only handful of persons i befriended with...
laws step in...
friends step out....
it is killing me....back then and even now..
the people involved in this shit reminds me of all the traumatic events...the place...the words that may not refer to me but reminds me of things...
i am in no place to avoid any of it so i endure it with pain...
i hate everything, but i know all that i am projecting is just a defense mechanism..
to make life somewhat easier for me..
because there will be no more hearts to entertain except mine....
i don't care how bullshit this might be...
its painful to be unable to forget all the killing memory and pain...

i was a happy person, but now i don't tell people things anymore...and i don't really talk as much as i used to...i get irritated easily, even to my mom...i don't have much friends as compared to before...i went to places, but i am always alone...
i am a different person, retaining only less than half of my original personality...

nothing gets me better..
worst still, i am living with the worst reminder of the black, fateful days...
much that the reminder tried to satisfy my needs, it can never be satisfied..

i am sorry...
i am sorry that i never stopped hating you...
i am sorry that i always gets irritated with you
i am sorry that i don't care about you much as you did to me..
i am sorry for always finding faults in you..
i am sorry for wanting you to suffer as much as i did...
i am sorry for not feeling remorseful with all this...
because you made me like this....


~when an untreated pain returns~