being tough, am i?

(this is written 2 days ago but only posted today cez i am waiting for my mood disorder to stabilize..else i'll be posting this crying my eyes out like when i am typing it...ergh~ )

semalam mengamuk lagi...at someone i shouldn't mengamuk la kan...

someone whom my life after death depends on...(in a way la)...

i yelled till the whole classed heard...arghh~!!!!

shit...

i really dunno how i am gonna control my emotion in that matter..

i know and i realize that i need to be able to at least not hurt that person...

if i couldn't respect that person then fine..but do i really need to hurt anyone at all?

the thing is, i have no idea why i shouldn't hurt that person....

when i am around that person, i feel so freaking irritable...like a volcano about to burst...

being angry and hurting that person always felt like the right thing to do...

cez i think i dun care anymore...

then, what's gonna happen next?

til when should this thing carries on?

others are looking for love....to be loved...

but i am looking for the reason to love...

i've found my true love, but its not here...will never be here~

all i am doing is living in the past, unable to move on...like my life is already out of control from the beginning...

be brave?

i wish i have the reason to be brave...

i am alone...with this feelings of nothingness...

oh God...i am so sorry...save me