Bored

I am bored out of my mind already...
I dunno for how long more im going to be stucked in this hosp....
I wish i have a good hobby apart from reading books, then i will at least know what else to do when all the books have already been read...
Now i am stucked watching the ceiling and sleeping all day long that it makes my brain gooey...
I guess once i started working again i won't even have any head or tail in taking blood already...sighhh

Learning...

Learning to be strong...
Learning to be accepting...
Learning to love..
More importantly, learning to be a MUM...
That, i am.....
All i want is that my baby to be safe and protected by God almighty....

Warded....

Yesterday was a very scary ordeal for me.....i woke up from sleep thinking i had peed on my bed but when i reached hospital where i was thinking i am going to work as usual,a gush of fluid came down my legs and instantly i cried...
I was freaked out...i am alone in a world where theres no family members around and i am only at my 33 weeks of gestation....my baby is too young to come out now....all the complications i have seen when i was posted in O&G dept came flooding down my memories and i was beyond scared...
Worry is an underestimated word.....
I believe God's calculation is for the best...right now everything is going on smoothly and i pray that it keeps to be that way....
This experience reminds me that despite me trying my hard to help my patients, my priorities should not waver from what is really important which is my child, my son, my future.....
To all my dear family and friends, i beg for your prayers to keep my child safe from any harm....and with that i am very much grateful...may Allah bless you all...

Jangan dikesali
Atas apa yang terjadi
Mungkin rahmat sebaliknya
Membuahkan bahagia


~anuar zain~

a decision of lifetime

once upon a time i had to make a very difficult decision, a decision forced to be made with very little choice for me..
a decision that moves me to tears each time i thought about it, which is every seconds of my life, a decision that causes me to change from someone bubbly into a more serious person, a life changing and permanent decision..
a decision that will change me from being a single girl to a married lady...i eventually agreed to jump on marriage-ship board, with the knowledge that God knows what He's doing for me, with the knowledge that this will prevent me from further destruction of my life, with a belief that the person whom i hate actually loves me will all his heart and will always try to protect me from any sort of harm even if i can't do the same for him...
3 years on the ship, fighting all sorts of storm and hurricane, crazy waves and lightning, we survived and may i say i was very grateful for being brave enough to make up this decision, despite boarding the ship at a very young age..me 22 year old and him 23 year old, both a 3rd year student with a bright yet still faraway future and no financial support of our own...there was so many obstacles as we sail across the ocean, but i will never change it for any other thing in life...what is adventure, happiness, money and everything life can offer you if its not shared with someone who actually really cares for your well-being, who really appreciate everything that you cherish and holds you when things went wrong as you trudge along? friends are never same as a spouse...friends only share the laughter, never the tears...even if they did, it never last long..
therefore, i am very content with my life-altering decision...i may have cried a million tears to make this decision but the still on-going outcome is very fulfilling for me...i am happy~that's all that's matters..

now, i am faced with another choices of decision to make, where the choices are very little...how do you choose between your career and a life? its totally impossible which makes it looks like decision has already been made...
i cried each day...just like i did 3 years ago..
and i am now making a life-altering decision without much options..and pray hard to God that it is going to be worth the pain...

meroyan

belum beranak lagi tp dah meroyan macam ape je~
i'm freaking out because i feel like i have lost control of my own life..this baby simply took a lot out of me~
don't get me wrong, i love it but i am going crazy..
i feel like i have no strength to live for tomorrow..
i went to work only to feel like i am going to pass out that instance...
the only thing that i can think of now is to quit what i am doing and concentrate on trying to survive...

sempena becoming a mum kunun

Semasa engkau dilahirkan
kabul sudah satu impian
Impian nyata kurnia Ilahi

Engkau anak istimewa
Kebahagiaan ibu ayah
Bila menangis dan juga tertawa

Hai anak kau tak mengerti
Betapa mulia pengorbanan mereka
Memberikan kasih sayang
Agar dapat menikmati dunia

Masa silih berganti
Kau membesar tak disedari
Cepat sungguh kau pandai bicara

Apa yang telah terjadi
Pada mereka kau derhaka
Mengapa begitu apakah salahnya

Hai anak kau tak mengertiBetapa mulia pengorbanan mereka
Memberikan kasih sayang
Agar dapat menikmati dunia

Kini kau telah tersesat
Hilang diri dan pedoman
Tak seorang pun yang mengambil tahu

Dan kini engkau menangis
Ibu ayah menghampiri
Walau engkau telah terpesong jauh

Hai anak kau tak mengerti
Betapa mulia pengorbanan mereka
Memberikan kasih sayang
Agar dapat menikmati dunia